| Satifaction NEVER Gaurenteed |
[Aug. 13th, 2007|11:16 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Santa Barbizzle | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  artistic | ] |
| [ | music |
| | All At Once- The Fray | ] |
ever wondered why the hardest things are the right things sometimes?
ever wonder why you go back to the people that are the worst for you?
it's because everyone wants a problem. everyone fights for the worst... and they don't even know it most of the time.
and when they are in a rare case where they do know it, they keep doing it becuase humans love pain.
when we're in pain, we crave love.. and when they have love, they have nothing to crave because love is ultimate.
the chase is always the best.
i will not lose. |
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| summer lovin' happened so fast |
[Jun. 29th, 2006|08:11 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | mi casa | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  thankful | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Jessica Simpson- Public Affair | ] |
so jarrad and i are doing unbelievably well. it's all too perfect actually and of course i have to be moving clear across the country in less than 2 weeks! it sucks!!!! jarrad will come visit but he hates traveling... well he likes to go to the carribean and around florida and such. I don't think he'll ever move outta naples. i told him that he should really consider changin things up a bit... like for instance- he wears black shirts every single day! every day and nite... it's ridiculous. I told him he should just throw on a white shirt or better yet, a green shirt, to be less boring. it's not even about the shirt thing tho... it's everything- everything is exactly the same for him and he's content with it so he doesn't see a need to change which is.. whatever.. fine. but he won't even really consider what im saying... "i like black.. and im happy wearing black so why should i wear something else... i like naples. fuck europe. why would i wanna go there when all the damn europeans and mexicans and africans wanna get into my country?... ughh i'm just like jarrad, you'll never know what else there is out there if you don't try something new. ya know? am i wrong??? he's just SO stubborn it's ridiculous but I've become immune to his hard headedness and i don't let it frustrate me. well... i did today but never again is it going to be worth that- i just don't think he'll ever learn.
so yeh.. some of my good friends are fed up with my relationship with jarrad and decided to just stop being friends with me. It's honestly the most selfish thing I've ever heard of- their reasoning behind it... and they can sit and bitch about how i've "changed"- which, if i have, is in no way a negative way- because I really don't care. The people that are happy for me and stick by me will show thru in the end as my real friends. Yes, I spend pretty much every waking second with jarrad, I'm not gunna deny that much.. but i definitely make plenty of time for my friends. it's really not my fault if they dont' have anything to do when i'm with jarrad... I didn't have anything to do when all my friends had boyfriends and i was the ONLY one that didn't... but you never heard me bitchin. ever. ahh just fed up with all of it and I appreciate the people that are understanding.
oh and p.s. whoever is sending my LJ address to my father's store you can just burn in hell... like my parents have any control over what i can write. they don't even really care... and neither should you ::cough cheryl cough::
since i dont' get to communicate with Elan much until she's outta camp special shout outs to her. i love you hunny bunny and i miss you more than you can imagine. really really do! hope all is well and ur having a blast. xoxoxo |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 10th, 2006|07:43 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  ditzy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Young Bloods- Chevy Ridin High | ] |
whoa... so it's been a long time since i wrote in here. everything has been going really really well lately- for me that is. My friends, though- that's another story. last weekend Jarrad, Lauren, Ross and I went to the Soul2Soul concert (tim mcgraw and faith hill) in fort lauderdale. my dad got us first row which was SO awesome- i touched them both and one of the guitarist gave me a pic. Bob, Lauren's mom's boyfriend, got us a hotel room at the Marriott that night so we had fun. I got soo high and drunk tho right before, during, and right after the concert that I couldn't make it past like midnight. Jarrad moved into his new place so I've been over there pretty much every day since i got back from Aruba. it's really chill there- Wout and Rando bought a bong tho so we have been pretty much worthless pieces of shit that sit on the couch and drink beer all day. Actually i haven't drank much the past week.. maybe like 1 drink here n there but i haven't been drunk- im trying to lose some of this weight. blah...
Everyone's been telling me how I need to stop spending time with Jarrad so much.. how they don't know me anymore.. they miss me and stuff... and it makes me sad but at the same time it really pisses me off. First of all, my friends do come first and foremost- when one of them calls me up and says hey do you wanna hang out and i say why don't you come over to jarrad's and hang out they don't want to.. it's not my problem that they don't want to. It's not like it's just me and Jarrad anyways- Wout, Randy, or Ross are ALWAYS there.. even when Jarrad isn't. I just think they should understand that I'm really really happy right now and I'm about to move and leave everything behind so i'm going to spend as much time with everyone that i can.
I miss elan! she would understand the most, i think. if you're reading this E, i love n miss you and i hope you're having a fabulous time in NC!!! mucho love!
Jenna and Lauren are on their way over right now which im happy about. hopefully there will be something worth going out for on this saturday night... but ya know what, even if there isn't i still always manage to have fun- whether it's sitting on the most comfortable couch in the entire world at jarrads watching tv, or driving downtown just to find out there's nothing to do. everything is an adventure in my eyes now. me and jarrad and all our friends can pretty much make anything fun- it's a fact ;-) |
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| He's gunna be fine. |
[May. 10th, 2006|01:09 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | thankful | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Lifehouse | ] |
so this week has been pretty brutal... Sunday was my dad's birthday and im a horrible daughter. i didn't get him anything, not even a card. Would it be unacceptable that I kinda forgot it was his birthday? It's not like he doesn't just get whatever he wants when he wants it anyways (but i know it's the thought that counts). My mom, him, Richard and I went out to lunch at Brio (which BTW is really good) annnd we got in a big argument about everything that came up and it just put me in a bitchy mood.
Monday was worse tho. Jarrad and I drove to Jenna's beach house in fort myers to go on her jetskis and it was a lot of fun UNTIL Jarrad got in an accident and we had to take him to the hospital. At first it wasn't a really big deal- we all thought that it was just a bruised rib or something like that but noooo, Jarrad ended up getting airlifted from Naples to Lee Memorial where he had major surgery. It was incredibly scary and unbelievable. And just to think that we all thought about not even going to the hospital at first. I've been goin back and forth to visit with him and his family and whatnot since Monday- spent prolly 23 hours there in 3 days.
I was in the most awkward situation possible today tho when his 2 ex girlfriends of long times came. I felt so weird, i can't even explain. I don't really know anyone so I've been pretty quiet and to-myself when i hang out up there. It's hard to open up when the reason you're brought together is because of something like this- in the hospital. Jarrad's getting better slowly tho and they are saying he'll be out by Friday which is very soon but not soon enough bc thaz the day i leave for a week. Timing has really just sucked recently.
This whole event has made me think a lot about my relationship with Jarrad. I don't know how i'm gunna leave that boy when i move to cali. Life really hates me, i guess.. it always puts me in the worst situations.. ugh.. I should prolly just stop bitchin about it because truth is that I truly appreciate the chance I've been given- i was brought close to someone like him. He really is the best boyfriend and altho it's not even been like 2 months it seems like 2 years.
Blah... on another note.. everyone's back for the summer so things should start getting more interesting around this town. until that happens tho-- peace. xo
p.s. it's May 10th. a pretty important day in my life- only one person knows why tho. If ur reading this, i hope ure well and.. yeh.. ;-) |
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| It's gunna be Love |
[May. 7th, 2006|02:00 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  pensive | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Don't Trip- Trina | ] |
Ive always been someone who's had very back and white feelings towards love... i mean, you either completely and utterly do with ur you entire heart or you don't. And if you have to stand there and ask yourself if you love someone or if what you're feeling is love then you moooost likely don't.. actually, you always don't. anyways Jarrad and i have been together for what... 2 months now, and we're together all the time.. The reason i'm talking about this is because i've become a victim of my own critisism. I don't know if I love him... bc there are times when I look at him and i can barely keep it in... like i wanna say it so bad and it just feels so right. When it FEELS so right and natural or even when it's stronger- like a unwavering pull- then it should mean that its definately love, right? well idk becase there's other times when I'm asking myself if i really do... and like i said b4, if ya hafta ask urself then it's not love. ahhh i don't know. To be honest i don't think we should even say it to eachother b4 i leave. that will only make things harder. enough about that!
Nothin new has really been going on- i've been layin low, i guess, recently. I haven't really stepped out of my group of nicole, taylor, and jarrad... which is started to become a problem- we're all getting sick of each other, i think... too much time together is never a good thing. I haven't seen Elan in a record length of time it seems! It's as though she went on vacation and i lost my roommate or something. Actually she did go on vaca which I am completely envious of... but very soon- 5 days to be exact- I'm going to Aruba!! Im SOOOO excited but i'll be missing the canoe races and if you don't know what canoe races are then you should prolly get on that right away. Its the absolute best day of the year in Naples, FL. I'll be with my lover jenna though so im sure we can get into some kind of good trouble..uhh..i mean fun down there.
It's late and I'm tired so im out. toodles! xo Brittany |
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| Loving Life more and more |
[Apr. 26th, 2006|01:50 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  cheerful | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Unchained Melody- Righteous Brothers | ] |
Long time, i know. I've been pretty... entertained, for lack of a better word lately. Lots of hanging out with Jarrad I guess... I haven't gotten bored or annoyed with him yet which is kinda amazing since most of my relationships post asshole haven't lasted more than a month really. we figured it out the other day and we've been with each other for atleast 1hour everyday since atlantis. We made a promise not to bring up my moving to california situation but Jarrad always brings it up anyways. It's going to be really hard and thaz all i know.. but I figure that as long as we make it worth it right now I'll have no regrets about anything when July comes :)
We went to tallahassee last weekend and it kinda sucked. First of all the drive up was pretty much horrendous- we hit all the traffic and went through a lot of rain- it was the first rain we've seen in like 4 months- nuts! theeen when we got there it was almost too late to go to happy hour so we just chilled and I didn't have a TV in my room so it was kinda awkward just sitting there until we had something to do. My room was a disaster! I was embarressed when we walked in- it looked like my room was used as the homless shelter since i'd been gone- so NARSTY! Jarrad said that he had a lot of fun but I think he was just saying it to make me happy. He did pick up some really good nugs tho so maybe thaz why he had such a good time. I found this cute lil thing in our mailbox .. tee hee.. and we named it- gunther. Gunther and Virgil are becoming quite good friends. I love initiating friendships. I don't really wanna go into much detail about the lack of respect I received by 2 people that I'm sure you all know and love... but I do want to say this much... You have to be pretty sick and immature to have a discussion amongst yourselves about totally fucking up and disrespecting someone that you used to care a lot about's life... over and over and over and over again- and then following through with it.. but hey, if thaz what you want to do with your free time, all the power to you bc in my case... it only makes me stronger anymore. I DON'T CARE about you (you know who you are).
Everyone starts coming home at the end of this week. Im excited! What I'm most excited about is my trip to Aruba with Jenna coming up! Unfortunately I'm going to miss the canoe races :( if you don't live in naples or you don't know what the canoe races are... 3 words ... Better.Than.Christmas. o man, its the best day of the year by FAR in naples, Florida- and I'm going to miss it!! I'ts not like im going to be landlocked in like Kansas or anything- i'll be in Aruba, most likely having an equally amazing time, but ya never know. As for now, I think Jarrad's coming over and we're making a cake cuz we are dorks like that. Until next time.....
LATERRRR
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| isn't it ironic... don't ya think? |
[Apr. 11th, 2006|05:11 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Mi Casa | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  optimistic | ] |
| [ | music |
| | How to Deal- Frankie J | ] |
So it's almost been a month for Jarrad and I. It doesn't seem long at all but i feel like I've been with him for a year... we are doing so well. everyday, though, i ask myself why i'm doing this... since im leaving in like 3 months... it's really really going to suck then. We are both afraid to get to know each other anymore.. i can tell. well actually we talked about it today on the phone and we both admitted it. with action comes reaction. We decided though that we just need to live for the moment becuase right now the feelings are pretty much mutual and we are making each other happy and why stop it if it is, right? i guess i'm going to find out why i should have stopped it in like 3 months when i leave!! it's like that song... Ironic, by Alanis.. i feel like, with jarrad, i've won the lottery. "You win the lottery but you die the next day." UGH it's an inevitablity that we can't get out of the back of our heads, i guess.
I officially heard from Brooks, though. I'm in! YAY!!! and although I like Jarrad SO much there's no way im going to give up this opportunity that I have been given- the BEST photography school in America. Im SO stoked about it. There's a good chance that Elan might move out there with me, too which would be UM AMAZING!
oh yeh.. that reminds me.. Nicole moved in with me. She wasn't getting along with her madre so now she's living herre which isn't that odd because she kinda lived here anyways. But she moved all her shit in here now and it's hit me... she's like my sister. She really is. I have to guide her through her relationship haha... her and taylor are official and it works out awesomely because jarrad and taylor are like best friends. we call each other "the family". Jarrad and I are the parents and Nicole and TaylAr are the kids. Both, taylor and nicole, got their cars taken away by their actual parents so I'm the soccer mom that has to go back and forth to pick them up and drop them off at school. we all just chill here, in my room, most of the time. It's been fun but it's definately getting old.. I told Jarrad that tonight we are going to do something totally spontaneous. I don't know what it is but thaz what's going to be so spontaneous about it :) Im excited. it might even just be us driving around for hours with no destination- talking. I would love that. There's a lot that we need to learn about each other still- but that leads me back to my ultimate fear about the relationship.. getting too close with him.
He told me today that he has no desire to travel to Europe and that reminded me far too much of Robby. It really actually pissed me off... why do guys not want to travel. I think it's absolutely absurd that people don't want to grow through experience like that. Traveling is something that i absolutely LOVE! i don't think i would be even close to the person i am today if i wasn't so fortunate. I am fortunate to be able to travel and see places and learn. and grow. Jarrad is just like "why the fuck would i want to leave america" and im like to see and learn about places and cultures that you've never experienced.. it's amazing. and he just says "america's a fucking melting pot of ethnicities- why would i want to leave her.. everyone wants to come here.. i could go to Immokolee if i wanted to learn about a different culutre so bad". and im just like ugh, you don't understand. and tonight, hopefully, when we act on our spontanaeity he will be able to realize what im talking about because right now he doesn't understand where im coming from at all. And when he does understand and he still has no desire to travel and "learn" i'll be fulfilled anyways just knowing that he gets me and what im about. I can respect his decision only then. but that is all for now. The goose is callin mah name :) xo
Baby G |
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| Lil boy and Lil girl |
[Mar. 29th, 2006|03:42 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | high | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Bad Day- Daniel Powter | ] |
Heylo! So it's been a while since I got around to the old LJ i guess but i have been a busy bee lately... well not really- but i have been hanging out with a certain someone a lot :) I guess Jarrad and I are official- it would be too awkward now to come out and just ask so I'm asumming we are. All the signs are there anyways. Im really happy about it but I'm making sure that it doesn't get into anything too serious... only because of my plans to move to california in the summer. I don't even know why really I am starting anything with jarrad but it's making me happy now and thaz really all that matters, right? we went to whorelando this past weekend to party and whatnot. we stayed at lauren's the first night and jenna's the second.. i promised lauren sometime when i was drunk on saturday night that i would take her to the airport at 7:30 in the morning on sunday!! i don't knwo what i was i thinking- we all woke up late that sunday morning and i sped to the airport but not fast enough... lauren missed her flight and all that trouble of getting her to the airport was a lost cause. on another note that same day, later, lauren lost my ATM card and the night before i had lost my Mastercard soooo i was moneyless- good thing we went home that night. Jenna had half a bar in her purse and gave it to me- i took it (it was my first time) and i completely passed out on the way home. aww i felt bad- jarrad had to drive all the way home with me asleep :( i guess i should have expected that before i took the bar tho.
Tomorrow's John's 21st and we are going to noodles and miami haha.. well i don't know if im going to go yet but jarrad wants me to. my parents are being lil bitches lately so i need to get on their good side. blah im off now to shower tho.
tata
me and j rod |
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| spring time is fun |
[Mar. 14th, 2006|05:17 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | cheerful | ] |
| [ | music |
| | pepper | ] |
Yellllo! naples has been so beautiful lately- perfect weather.. I've been a beach bum everyday for the past week and im not sick of it yet. i figured out that using oil doesn't make you as tan as without using anything- tip thanks to j rod- so im pretty dark now.. well on my front side. some ppl are front siders and others are back siders and i don't know, but i can't lay on my stomach for very long. now that everyone and their mom is in town for spring break I've found myself making plans with 10 ppl a night and then blowing 8 or 9 of them off and i feel awful but i just don't know what to do.. there's so little time!
last week i went to stoney's by FGCU with danielle and we met these guys that play for the minnesota twins... we didn't believe them at first- but they proved it by giving us their pro playing cards at the end of the night. it was awesome. anyways we hung out with them- we went to the hot tub after stoney's and we were all drunk, of course, and the biggest most muscular guy of them all lifted me over his shoulder and dropped me on my face (on accident) on the side of the pool and i chipped my tooth! that was almost a week ago and my two front teeth are still pretty numb. the chip in my tooth isn't noticable to anyone really but it's all sharp and feels bad :( ugh i have bad teeth luck.
liz is in town and we're going to Zen tonight for sushi. I LOVE ZEN. thank you amy shcnorbach for introducing me to sushi.. bc before last year, i hated it. and im actually adventuring out in the sushi wordl and eating ahi tuna occasionally. u might not be impressed but i am. :-p
good talk- im out to take a nap now tho. xo |
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| miscellaneous monday |
[Mar. 7th, 2006|09:58 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  exhausted | ] |
so i guess im a heartbreaker now.. which is seriously ironic considering a majority of my known life i've been the one whose heart gets fucked around with. not naming names but i guess i really hurt someone and the thing is I had nooo idea that i was/had until everyone told me that the poor kid is suicidal and moving out of naples bc of me. I don't know if he's reading this but I just want to say how genuinely sorry i am.. im sorry that you misunderstood pretty much everything- I never felt like i was leading you on but obviously you felt that way. I don't want a boyfriend right now. a friend that is a boy is just about as much as i can handle at the moment. and i hope that you can settle for that bc we've been friends for way to long b4 this to just stop. i heart you!
oooon another note, today i went on ryan's boat with matt, jon, ryan, n alex and i'm not sure if it was them or the 2 sparks, that convinced me to attempt wake boarding again after my unforgettable first try back in 03' on spahr's boat. annnyyways i didn't do much better this time haha. i got up finally but then ate it after about 2 seconds... yeh.. i had 2 seconds of glory. i almost lost my bottoms tho! 3 hours later, here i am, feeble and sore from a couple trys on the wakeboard- damn, i need to get in shape. fast. 1 more week until the BaHaMaS with my 2 lovely MaMaS :-P
The other nite I went up to Alex's dorm at FGCU. all the boys were back for spring break so we had a big sleepover- the boys, elan, lisa, jillian and i. Jane Kapp, an old friend, stopped by too and we were discussing how it's been about 6 years since we hung out with a group that large and weren't doing something "bad". the boys don't drink EVER. 3 of them have never touched alcohol in their lives which is kinda unbelievable (but i do believe it).. and that is completely respectable to me. Sometimes I think, when im around them, they think I'm better just because I do chose to drink and smoke marijauna on occasion. It's uncomfortable but I still like to hang out with them for the most part. I don't care what they think of me at all- their under-their-breathe remarks targeted to me are inappropriate at times tho and I wish they'd give me the same respect I give them.
and with that... I'm EXHAUSTED! nite nite |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 1st, 2006|11:07 pm] |
are there certain songs that really really remind you of a paticular time in your life? I HAVE THEM...
Hanging by a Moment (Lifehouse)- freshmen year
Hip Hop (Dead Prez)- April 02
I Need to Be (Mase)- June 02
Air Force Ones (Nelly)- December 02
Get Low (Lil Jon)- May 03
So Fly (Frankie J)- October 03
Yeah (Usher)- February 04
Burn (Usher)- March 04
Live Like You were Dying (Tim McGraw)- September 04
Mud on the Tires (Brad Paisley)- April 05
A Little Bit (50 cent)- June 05
Because of You (Kelly Clarkson)- September 05
Tiger Lily (Matchbox Romance)- October/November 05
Stir it Up (Bob Marley)- February 06 |
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| this is 4 shorty |
[Mar. 1st, 2006|10:21 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  satisfied | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Whitney Houston- I will always love you | ] |
there's a part of my life that not many people know about.. it's a chapter of my book that has been closed now for almost a year and although i think about it quite regularly it's not something i bring up outloud anymore at all. Some of you may think you know who/what I'm talking about but don't be surprised if you're wrong.
I'm talking about this boy named Nick. Well... his name might not be that... sad, i know. I'm not going into details about Nick becasue I don't want you to feel sorry for me or anything. i'm just writing this for myself. I do this pretty much everyday- i either write emails of things that are on my mind to myself or post them on this livejournal. there's no paticular reason i post things for others to see... they are no more important or less personal, i guess, than the entries i chose not post. This one, on the otherhand, revolves around a subject that I am not lighthearted about at all... it's about this boy, like i said, named Nick and i've never been more happy in my entire life than when it was just him and me. and it really was just him and me at one point. it was awesome- unbelievable... i had so many firsts with him; so many memories. I deffinately would not be the person i am without him. he taught me to believe everything that i believe this day... he also taught me not to believe everything i might believe- in other words, he lied. he lied a lot- like most boys.. but he was far far far worse. by the time i learned the truth i was waaaay to fargone in my emotions to get out by myself.
This past year has been one hell of a year. and i am so proud of myself for figuring everything out. I am so happy now... I'm, for the first time, since i can remember, happy being by myself- i feel alive and free and im glad that there's no body to answer to anymore but myself. i have a friend right now that is in my situation-1-year-ago. They come to me for help and i would love to help but there's no way i could tell them how to do it. there's not a procedure or anything... it's really, seriously, just about YOURSELF. it's sooooo hard to get out of the mess in the beginning- it seems impossible and you will have to grieve. one of my bestest friends in the whole wide world, amy, told me, when i was at one of the lowest points, that grieving is necessary and she is absolutely right. you have to grieve then accept and from then on it's all about the way you handle it- it defffffffinately takes belief- in yourself. not just bullshit belief... u can't just sit back and say to ureself "everything is going to be ok" and just start crying again.. you have to really REALLY believe that everything is going to be alright.
that book im writing (remember?) well hopefully i will be able to express the emotions i've felt without actually having to tell them bc i would just butcher the literature if i did that- like i said, there's no way i could straight forwardly tell you how to move on. but if anybody (even tho i know that most of the people that read this livejournal, if any, are people that despise me and would never approach me to talk about something so personal) wants my advice i'll try my best to give you what i got. i'm happy to help.
and if maybe somewhere nick is reading... he'll know that i've moved on. |
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| marley fest 06' |
[Feb. 26th, 2006|06:52 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | lazy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Matisyahu- Exaltation | ] |
Hey there
Lovely day of sun isn't it.. haha nicole and i decided that we are gunna be super cool and start calling the days as follows: monday= day of mon. it's awesome.. everyone will be doing it soon :-p nah im just kidding, we aren't really gunna start doing that...
this weekend was pretty good- friday sucked. i got my fake ID taken away :( stupid place too- it wasn't even like a club. Margarita Grille doesn't usually have security but it did that nite. I know that my ID pretty much sucks but I used it anyway and I always feel pretty confidant becuase, I mean, I've had it for like 10 months and haven't gotten hasseled about it really but now that i got it taken away i feel like it was the fakest looking piece of crap ever lol. I'm ebaressed that I had used it b4. O well, i wasn't really that mad that it got taken away- i mean, what can ya do?
Day of satur we went to Bob Marley Festival over in Miami at the amphitheatre. I have never been so continuously fucked up ever i don't think... like usually ill pass out and take a short nap between times but nope i was high from 3-12 and i was pretty drunk for a good portion of that time too. It was me, elan, nicole, peter, and kyle that went in my car. I got soo unbelievable high at one point that i had to throw up and i just wanted 2 not be that high.. ugh it sucked... so yeh, peter had to drive us home bc he is used to being high all day lol and just before we got under the toll my gas gage went to 0 miles to empty and i was just like ehh, we have like 10 more miles, we'll make it to the gas station.. well yeh- as we coasted off the exit just thru the light, we completely stopped about 1 mile before a gas station.. not even a mile- like 1/2 a mile. some people had to go get us gas, thankfully they owed peter some money and got it for us bc none of us had any money haha. it was a really fun day tho- this is the only pic that i have available at the moment from it:
thaz quentin, nicole, and i being engulfed in a huge cloud of smoke lol. there were so many people there just smoking freely, it was awesome to say the least! I think i've ate enough this past weekend to last me all spring.. I don't even remember half of the weekend so who knows what i consumed then but the parts that i do were spent eating my life away... ughhh lol
there's really nothing else to talk about.. well there is.. but im pretty tired so maybe ill get around to it later. peace
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| atleast some1 loves me |
[Feb. 20th, 2006|10:47 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | blessed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | marley duuuh | ] |
omgosh dan is the love of my life. lol no but he is the sweetest guy in the world- it's defiantely in consideration... look he made me a poem:
mmmpiecrustmmm:
Im engaged to warning,
and sorrow is the ring.
And every new day is
only a new date,
but nothing changes.
Im caught in disbelief,
And there is only your cure.
A drug, an addiction,
but every dose is worth it.
The narcotic of sight,
A drug of vision,
And you are my overdose.
But the at least
the last breath, the last view
Is you.
mmmpiecrustmmm: thats for you
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| hard to accept |
[Feb. 20th, 2006|12:55 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | exhausted | ] |
ya know when you give people advice and it sounds really good but then you get in their situation eventually and you cannot take your own advice.. it's like when something bad happens to yourself the situation is completely different. I realized that tonight. My friend (im not gunna name names) really really really likes this guy, throws herself at this guy, calls this guy all the time... and he liked her at first, im sure of that, but since she put herself out there so much and made herself soo available he lost interest. She got really drunk tonight and she's here now screaming she wants to die. "Why doesn't he like me?!?" and i just remember how incredibly stupid i was when i was in the same situation... when this guy that i really really liked decided he didn't like me anymore i just thought everything in the world was wrong with me and i wanted to die. NO ADVICE was good advice... i didn't want to listen to anyone.. i just figured that no1 would understand... no1 could feel the pain that i had felt but now I realize that this happens all the time, everyday... friends are friends bc they do not lie to you and they help you and listen and I just wish that I would have listened to them more and not been so stubborn. of course, when im drunk it's 10 x worse and thaz why im deff cutting back on drinking. Drinking doesn't get you anywhere and I knew that already... drinking and being drunk is deff fun sometimes but for the times that it isn't, for the times that it elevates those negative emotions, it's not worth drinking at all. "what's wrong with me?!" is pretty much the quote of the night and it's really fucking annoying but i will always be there for my friend. Why are things so much harder to accept when they happen to yourself?
oh and boys just honestly suck. honestly. all of them. im so glad i don't have to deal with any of that shit at this moment in my life. i'm surprised im saying this, but im honestly so happy that im unattached. i have to go tend to my friend now. |
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| life sucks so bad. |
[Feb. 16th, 2006|03:07 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | death | ] |
| [ | music |
| | sad-i-want-to-kill-myself music | ] |
oh fuck. i just wrote pretty much a novel (seriously like 10 paragraphs) of an entry and it's fucking gone. will someone please shoot me. i know that most of the people that read this journal want to shoot me anyway. fuck. im going to continue crying now.
seriously! what the fuck is my life. please just take it... if i didn't have bad luck i would have NO luck at all! |
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| O-He-O |
[Feb. 13th, 2006|02:31 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  devious | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Jack Johnson | ] |
So i just got back from ohio last night. I went there to visit Lauren since both us have no life right now- well we do, and it's amazing, but it's very confusing and we like to be confused together. haha Lauren and I are possibly the worst pair when it comes to getting something done. Procrastinators of the world! We do everything that we want to do but nothing that we need to do. For example, lauren gets a notice the day i get there that she forgot to pay rent so she writes a check but doesn't turn it in the until the next day... turns out that was a day too late so now she's evicted and it couldn't have been a more amusing thing at the time but it's actually awful bc now she has to move out by thursday haha. another example, lauren hasn't done laundry in what seemed like a year. (something i would prolly do too) and she deson't have a washer and dryer at her place so we went to take it to a laundromat so someone would clean it for her... just getting out of the house to go do that was waaay past due and then we couldn't find the place... we drove around for an hour then realized there was an even cheaper one than the one we were lookng for right next to her house. we dropped that off on friday but never picked it up. so lauren had to borrow some of my lovely underwear on friday night lol
collin and waggs came over from Indianapolis and hung out on friday which was just fabulous. i aboslutely love hanging out with those boys. we went to the BlueJackets game in columbus and altho our team lost it was fun. Then we went to a bar and god only knows what happened from then on. Collin woke me up in the morning by pouring water on my head!!!!! that was the last thing i wanted to do- wake up. I was so hung over but we had to go to his aunt's for breakfast- it was amazing food tho. The boys could only stay one night which totally bummed lauren and i out but we still had fun the next night.
no offense if you're from ohio but... you guys... suck. lol first of all they have no idea what partying is. Lauren and i must have been considered WILD to them. we were definately the life of the party the whole weekend... and the people there are just not hot at all! i never saw one boy that was hot except like 1 hour before i left, of course, working in Ruehl. He offered me a job and i would have offered him something myself lol but... i don't live there. and thank god for that. It was a fun time tho! just a total culture shock. When we were at the bar one night i over heard these girls talking
Girl One: OH MY GOD, you guys! the bartender said "thanks BABE... the GIRL bartender said thanks BABE. EW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Girl Two: That is soooooo gross!
i just thought to myself... wow, i call girls babe all the time, that doesn't sound that bad. I'd rather say babe than hunny. idk, they were just very conservative up there. The guys never offered to buy us drinks... well when lauren and i said we wanted some drinks, ya know how guys are when you pull out ure money... i mean especially when it's dollar drafts! but nooo, they gladly took our money from us. haha i know we aren't on a date or anything but it's just something that wouldn't happen at FSU or naples or anywhere else, for that matter. haha i don't mean to sound like a bitch but i guess all the things im talking about are pretty bitchy. When i say the people aren't hott, i mean it tho. Leaving Ohio was the worst thing Lauren could have done for that state... she's stands out so much lol. I also have this weird mentality, coming from florida, that people in other states are just not pretty. I don't know why, I guess it's just florida pride or something... but i'm kinda like shocked when i see a pretty girl when on vacation. Just something that it's embedded in my brain. I know it's not true tho and im not saying I'm any hotter than anyone else lol... i'm just saying- well hopefully you understand bc i can't explain it anymore.
This whole week is going to be dedicated to Detoxification from this weekend. It's absolutely necessary, especially if I'm still planning on going to FSU this weekend. haha im out
Brittany
oh here's a lil sumin, sumin from the FSU chapter of the group "What the Fuck is my Life" that perfectly desribes this weekend.. and the entirety of my life:
Do you believe your life is in shambles? Have you ever woken up in a place and wonder why the hell you are there; or what state of mind you were in last night that you thought it was ok to sleep there? Do you often find yourself in situations that are extremely awkward and strange in which you encounter all the wrong people at all the wrong times? Do you ever feel like you have a million and two things to do, yet you seem to be doing everything but what you should be doing? Do you ever wake up feeling sick and then glance around just to see the wrappers of foods that you consumed unnecessarily the previous night, just before passing out. Have you ever blacked-out and had a shitshow of a time, just to become aware of the ridic. things that happened the night before and then find yourself needing to apologize to about 50 people for your actions? Have you ever found yourself in a state of panic in the morning and feel as if you need to look at your call log and your text messages from the night before? Do you participate in activies that just are not normal........yet love ever second of them? Do you crave just a little bit of sanity in your life? Have you ever sat back analyzed the things that have happened to you in the past 24 hours and ask yourself.......what am I doing with my life? For all of those that have answered yes to any of these questions, or all of them, you are not alone. This group is for you..........so live it up and love life, don’t worry......what is normal anyway?
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| steelers deserved that win |
[Feb. 7th, 2006|12:10 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  crappy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Chris Cagle- Anywhere but Here | ] |
i don't get it. i stay home for like a week straight, just chillin in my room with elan at nights and stuff and then i go out for 2 nights in a row and it's like i'm "irresponsible" and "wild" and "out of control" according to my parents. but then i just say, fine, i'll go sit in the dark and be depressed again. and they feel bad haha. I mean, if i wasn't here, i'd be at school doing it 10 x more so they should be happy. but yeh, last nite for superbowl- it was pretty nuts. I was pretty nuts* haha (BTW fuck yea STEELERS!!) i started drinking at like 3 and by half time i just don't know. my dad had a small party and it was weird, because we could all talk during the game but when commercials came on you couldn't talk. haha they had some pretty funny ones on... but i don't really remember most of them haha. don o'neil was in town and he came over at some point? nicole and lauren and this Slyvaian guy that lauren had a blind date with LOL. he was weeeiiirrd! we went to some party that payton invited me too and well, thaz all i can really tell ya. the night consisted of a lot of sex drugs and alcohol tho and today i just feel like complete shit... i don't think it's a hangover shittiness tho- well maybe it started out like that but i think im just getting sick- i have all the symptoms of the time just before i got really really really sick last year. ughhh NOT FUN!
not fun especially because this weekend im going to OHIO! ive never had any desire to go to ohio haha but lauren wants me to come up. I want to go up and see her too tho, haha. Collin and his friends are going over from Butler and we're gunna party like it's 1999 baby! im SOO excited to see those boys. We're going to some hockey game together- box seats :) and Waggs is gunna cook me some dinner bitch! haha (inside joke) Elan's goin to Boston and Ive know this for a while and told her she could borrow all my winter clothes for the cold weather but now we have to ration things cuz ohio isn't exactly sunny and 70 right now. i think it snowed 5 inches the other day.
i have a lot of shit to do b4 i leave so i need to get goin, to sleep... to get the stuff done, first of all, and secondly, to prove to my parents that im not a lazy ass. ok, i am but o well.
good talk. peace out. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 31st, 2006|02:10 am] |
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oh my horoscope for tomorrow is, yet again, right on. i don't care what anyone says these things are true!
You may not be as scattered as others think, for you do have a plan. Okay, maybe you're juggling several options, but this isn't beyond your capability. You can dance as fast as you need to in order to keep up with all the songs that are playing in your head, but remember that your goal isn't keeping lots of balls in the air; it's about being happy. And that may be simpler than you realize.
and this is something that jessica wrote on her official website that i think is really nice... haha oh god, im gay sometimes.
"hello friends, it's jess! i just wanted to let ya'll know that with everything we go through in life, the good, the bad, the ugly, the sad, the right, the wrong, the think we don't belong, we all have to allow our hearts to remain open to create who we are. find that for yourself no matter what. take the advice from the wisdom of those we love. remember that bad company corrupts good character. and breathe to allow yourself the freedom to just be. getting to know yourself is so important. spend time alone with your thoughts for this creates a world of true serenity. do not be afraid. inner beauty, outward charm. greet everyone we meet with a smile (unless it is paparazzi.haha), a smile is contagious. i love you guys so much and appreciate the support through all the unfortunate pain of loss. what doesn't kill us makes us stronger. carry on. soar. glide. fly. this is a wonderful life. love, jess" |
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| Santa Barbara that is paradise |
[Jan. 31st, 2006|01:55 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | ecstatic | ] |
OMG! i am absolutly set on moving to Santa Barbara, California!
i LOVE it and thaz an understatement. i never thought i'd say this but it's better than naples!! if i don't get into Brooks Photography Institute (which is, hands down, the most beautiful school i've ever seen) i'll be just fine going to SBCC for a year until i an get the credits to get in. things are finally taking more of a direction for me and it's awesome. i don't want to speak too soon but it really does look like the rain is slowly stopping...
eeeeeeeeeeeeeek i just am so happy... i finally feel like im doing what i want to do and be who i really am. :) |
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